The Wall Bloggers

It has been several days since I reported on the status of our "new kid."  We have been continuing the techniques, and continue to learn along the way.  We find that one of the hardest habits to break is asking Adrianna to do something just once. Another issue we're working on is a timely fashion for Adrianna to complete her tasks.  When Adrianna has just a few toys out in her room, it seems reasonable to assume she could clean them up in five minutes.  She "cleans up" for half an hour.  Her version of cleaning includes playing along the way.  I do not think this is deserving of punishment, because she is, indeed, doing what I asked of her.  To speed up the process, I have tried setting timers, having her beat Grandma's arrival, etc.  And they do not seem to help her move any more quickly.  Any ideas for improving this process are welcome! Scott and I took a few minutes to discuss Adrianna's progress tonight.  And our conclusion is ...

Well, today officially marks one week since we began our parenting "experiment."  An update is definitely in order.  Do we have our new kid?  :) Yesterday went quite smoothly.  In the morning rush to get out the door, I asked Adrianna to do several things (brush her teeth, get on her shoes, etc.).  In the past, those rushed orders were repeated and repeated until we finally got out the door.  This time, I think I asked for each task only once, and she did exactly as she was told.  When we got in the car and I began driving, I said, "Adrianna, you did such a good job doing all the things I asked you to do."  I glanced back at her.  She was grinning hugely. Our day went cooperatively until, of course, dinner time.  Adrianna took a bath before dinner.  When Scott went in to supervise her cleaning up her tub toys and getting into her pajamas, she started loosing control of herself.  From the kitchen, I could hear her screams an...

One of my purposes of this blog is to record God's hand in our adoption process, that in the years to come, we can look back on the entries (I hope to have them printed out) and remember God's provision. I suppose this might be the modern day method for building a pile of stones as a memorial for what God has done -- as the faithful did in Old Testament times. There is a story I have been longing to tell, to give God the credit. I just don't want to mess it up. I will attempt to tell it rightly now... The Monday after we got our referral, I checked in with our adoption agency about necessary paperwork. We were surprised to find out that we needed to have our homestudy updated. (Many pieces of the paperwork puzzle expire during the adoption process.) I instantly contacted our local social worker, who said she would put our paperwork in the mail for us immediately. Boy, was I frustrated. I had completed our paperwork so feverishly in the fall of 2008. And now I would ...

As you may have noticed, I did not give my daily "New Kid" update yesterday. I was too frustrated. I think I may have made a mountain out of a molehill (Dr. Leman's words, not mine) with Adrianna yesterday. And so parenting lessons continue! Good thing we're not expected to be perfect. Today, Adrianna fared very well. I worked on asking for things only once, and I think she was working on listening the first time. Our issues seem to arise when she is getting tired and hungry, late afternoon or early evening. At play group, she had some frustration with the young boys who were trying to play with the same things she was. I debated about removing her from the situation (leaving early) or removing a privilege. In the end, I decided that she calmed herself down effectively and problem-solved by simply finding her own space. I know the issue of sharing with little boys (especially a certain little brother) is going to continue coming up for us. I tried giving her...

"Waiting is one of God's most powerful tools of grace. God doesn't just give us grace for the wait. The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait." Paul David Tripp (A quote borrowed from another adopting family's blog.)

Today's Have a New Kid by Friday lessons were partly for Mom and Dad and partly for Adrianna. Our experiences with consequences for Adrianna's not listening so far have been cut and dry. Adrianna not cleaning her room or getting her pajamas on when we asked her to were clear for us. However, what about when Adrianna was complaining about where her coat was resting when we were on our way out the door to the Sleepy Beauty ballet? Scott instantly responded in frustration: "Then we're not going." Then he looked at me questioningly. Hmm... Was it fair to remove the ballet for a complaint? We had to decide quickly. We also had to decide if we could change the decision that had been made rashly without being inconsistent. We had a fast discussion. "Adrianna, we will go to the ballet. Daddy spoke too quickly. Because of your whining, you do not get to listen to your music in the car." Obviously, she appreciated that decision, and made no further com...

Well, I don't know if you all are tired of reading my parenting adventures yet, but for the sake of recording them (even just for myself), I will update with today's progress. This morning started beautifully. Adrianna and Scott hurried to get ready to catch the bus. They rode it to town and enjoyed choosing books at the library and drinking sumptuously at Starbuck's. I drove up later, worked out at the YMCA, and then met them for some errands. Overall, Adrianna's behavior was respectful... Until we had lunch at a little restaurant. I told her it was time to go to the bathroom. As usual, she yelled that she didn't need to go, followed by whining. I took her hand and led her to the bathroom -- where, of course, she went to the bathroom. Five minutes later, we got in the car. Her usual first question popped out: "Can we listen to my music now?" Scott and I looked at each other, gave a quick and quiet discussion, and replied, "No, you were unkind...

So... It's time I admit some parental short-comings. I know all parents have them... I just don't like to admit mine! I pride myself in knowing a few things about getting kids to behave. I babysat through junior high, high school, and even college. I learned a few tricks from those experiences. And I even majored in elementary education. I learned a few more tricks from those classes. I learned even more by teaching preschool and Kindergarten. So... I should know all about being a top-notch mom, right? :) Well, I guess I have realized that I know a few tricks, but they work on kids who don't come home with me every night! One thing I have never wanted to waiver on as a parent is saying "No" and then changing it to a "Yes." I have stuck with that part. To Adrianna, my "No" means "No." But... I still have a child who whines and complains and will not do something the first time I ask. Our problems culminated to the poi...

A common question to Scott and me lately about our adoption: "What's next?" Well... I could answer with the thousand details we need to take care of before leaving the country and the endless odds and ends that come from making a family of three into a family of four... But, the short answer is: "Our court date." Six to eight weeks after our referral (which was already three weeks ago!), our case is assigned to the Ethiopian court. Our agency will inform us of the date, and then we wait. Everything is entirely out of our hands after that. Because there are so many pieces that need to come together to "pass court," many times families do not pass the first time. A few days ago, I saw another adopting family's blog that said they had to wait for four court dates before they finally passed. At the day of court, our agency's Ethiopian representative goes before the court for us, and if all the paperwork is complete, and all the necessary peop...

Well, the inevitable winter sickness finally caught up with us. We eeked by for weeks, dodging illness from Scott's office and Adrianna's friends. Alas, the germs caught us. Scott and Adrianna were taken out last week, with nasty coughs and fevers. When I did not get it, I figured I had out-vitamined those nasty germs. I guess I was wrong. The critters caught up with me by Sunday night, and have been trying to take me down all week. On the bright side, at least our illnesses have been joined by some beautiful snow. We have gotten at least one (and sometimes 3-4) snowstorms a week for the last month. The snow has allowed for some snow-delayed work days for Scott and some early closures for his office. Adrianna loves helping "shovel" the snow with us, and has recently discovered the joy of eating fresh snow. I'm just working with her to help her realize that not all of it is fresh!