New kid experiment, part 3
Today's Have a New Kid by Friday lessons were partly for Mom and Dad and partly for Adrianna. Our experiences with consequences for Adrianna's not listening so far have been cut and dry. Adrianna not cleaning her room or getting her pajamas on when we asked her to were clear for us.
However, what about when Adrianna was complaining about where her coat was resting when we were on our way out the door to the Sleepy Beauty ballet? Scott instantly responded in frustration: "Then we're not going." Then he looked at me questioningly. Hmm... Was it fair to remove the ballet for a complaint? We had to decide quickly. We also had to decide if we could change the decision that had been made rashly without being inconsistent. We had a fast discussion.
"Adrianna, we will go to the ballet. Daddy spoke too quickly. Because of your whining, you do not get to listen to your music in the car." Obviously, she appreciated that decision, and made no further complaint.
That one gave us reason to think. I'm still thinking about how I would handle that if it happens again. I have yet to finish reading Have a New Kid by Friday; finishing it might help me to know how to make judgement calls about those issues. I also let Scott know -- since he has been following my input about the book -- that the book recommends not saying anything on the spot, but walking away, and letting the missed privilege come as a result.
After the ballet, we went out to dinner with some friends. Inevitably, I was just in the middle of telling my friend Ivanka about the book, and that if Adrianna started whining and complaining, we would simply leave the restaurant. And then Adrianna started arguing with Natalija. They were complaining to each other about how one had taken the other's "sharp crayons."
I was instantly debating about if this was the moment we needed to leave. As we discovered, over the course of discussion with the girls, Adrianna felt wronged and Natalija was working to make it right. Their misunderstanding resolved quickly, as the food arrived, and the two hungry girls inhaled their food.
When we arrived home with a very tired girl, she tried to hold her behavior in check. She managed to keep her privileges until we finished reading and we declared, "Time for bed!" She cuddled under our covers and protested: "NO. I'm staying here." Scott and I went into her room without her, hoping that she would follow. She did not. Scott and I decided she should miss out on having books go to bed with her.
I went back to our room, wordlessly took her hand, and led her to her room. She climbed into bed, asked where her books were, and heard, "You lost them for not coming to bed when we asked you to." She protested with tears while we hugged and kissed her, and she continued after we left.
Even an hour later, Scott regretting having to take the books away. He wished he had left her with even one. But would that have made the same statement? I don't know.
So that our beautiful daughter gets adequate coverage during all this parenting blogging, I want to add about our lovely morning. I've been meaning to pull out a loom and weaving set I have with my teaching stuff in our garage (a set from when I was in elementary school). I finally did so this morning. Adrianna took to it like a fish to water. After the briefest explanation, she understood how to weave loops on the loom to make a potholder. She did so for almost an hour, while Scott and I got ready for the day. This sweet little girl has more focus and determination than many adults! And to her credit, her potholder was done by lunch time. Wow.
However, what about when Adrianna was complaining about where her coat was resting when we were on our way out the door to the Sleepy Beauty ballet? Scott instantly responded in frustration: "Then we're not going." Then he looked at me questioningly. Hmm... Was it fair to remove the ballet for a complaint? We had to decide quickly. We also had to decide if we could change the decision that had been made rashly without being inconsistent. We had a fast discussion.
"Adrianna, we will go to the ballet. Daddy spoke too quickly. Because of your whining, you do not get to listen to your music in the car." Obviously, she appreciated that decision, and made no further complaint.
That one gave us reason to think. I'm still thinking about how I would handle that if it happens again. I have yet to finish reading Have a New Kid by Friday; finishing it might help me to know how to make judgement calls about those issues. I also let Scott know -- since he has been following my input about the book -- that the book recommends not saying anything on the spot, but walking away, and letting the missed privilege come as a result.
After the ballet, we went out to dinner with some friends. Inevitably, I was just in the middle of telling my friend Ivanka about the book, and that if Adrianna started whining and complaining, we would simply leave the restaurant. And then Adrianna started arguing with Natalija. They were complaining to each other about how one had taken the other's "sharp crayons."
I was instantly debating about if this was the moment we needed to leave. As we discovered, over the course of discussion with the girls, Adrianna felt wronged and Natalija was working to make it right. Their misunderstanding resolved quickly, as the food arrived, and the two hungry girls inhaled their food.
When we arrived home with a very tired girl, she tried to hold her behavior in check. She managed to keep her privileges until we finished reading and we declared, "Time for bed!" She cuddled under our covers and protested: "NO. I'm staying here." Scott and I went into her room without her, hoping that she would follow. She did not. Scott and I decided she should miss out on having books go to bed with her.
I went back to our room, wordlessly took her hand, and led her to her room. She climbed into bed, asked where her books were, and heard, "You lost them for not coming to bed when we asked you to." She protested with tears while we hugged and kissed her, and she continued after we left.
Even an hour later, Scott regretting having to take the books away. He wished he had left her with even one. But would that have made the same statement? I don't know.
So that our beautiful daughter gets adequate coverage during all this parenting blogging, I want to add about our lovely morning. I've been meaning to pull out a loom and weaving set I have with my teaching stuff in our garage (a set from when I was in elementary school). I finally did so this morning. Adrianna took to it like a fish to water. After the briefest explanation, she understood how to weave loops on the loom to make a potholder. She did so for almost an hour, while Scott and I got ready for the day. This sweet little girl has more focus and determination than many adults! And to her credit, her potholder was done by lunch time. Wow.
Comments
Adrianna is adorable. It is amazing how they are the most incredible child you have ever known to being totally baffled by their choices the next.
Sometimes it is the smartest kids that often have the hardest time adapting to "proper behavior". But it sounds as though you are really learning how to deal with the problems and giving her the upper hand in life by showing her that actions always have consequences (good and bad). Even if it isn't right away the actions we make today effect tomorrow, not just for us but for the ones around us. (if I ever have the privilege of being a mom I think this a book I will be investing in!)