The new kid experiment, part 6
It has been several days since I reported on the status of our "new kid." We have been continuing the techniques, and continue to learn along the way. We find that one of the hardest habits to break is asking Adrianna to do something just once.
Another issue we're working on is a timely fashion for Adrianna to complete her tasks. When Adrianna has just a few toys out in her room, it seems reasonable to assume she could clean them up in five minutes. She "cleans up" for half an hour. Her version of cleaning includes playing along the way. I do not think this is deserving of punishment, because she is, indeed, doing what I asked of her. To speed up the process, I have tried setting timers, having her beat Grandma's arrival, etc. And they do not seem to help her move any more quickly. Any ideas for improving this process are welcome!
Scott and I took a few minutes to discuss Adrianna's progress tonight. And our conclusion is that she has made progress! There have been some bumps along the way, but also some promising incidents.
Thursday night, Adrianna was exhausted, and because she had a fever Friday morning, we realize now that she probably felt crummy Thursday night. Her last half-hour before bed, she lost four privileges for not putting on her pajamas when we asked, screaming at us, etc.
Friday continued fairly smoothly. After I gave her ibuprofen for her fever in the morning, she was so peppy, I barely kept up with her!
Today, Saturday, Adrianna ran errands with Scott in the morning. Because of that and her recent bug, by late afternoon, she was fairly wiped out. Adrianna helped Scott with a few chores in the backyard and then played in her sandbox for a few minutes. Then Scott asked her to clean up. When I came out a few minutes later, she was still playing, with no cleaning. In this situation, I don't know what Dr. Leman would recommend... I don't know if he would have waited for her to clean up, even though it was very cold out. I decided that I would clean up without saying a word, and would allow her to lose a privilege inside.
When we went in, I said, "Adrianna, it's time for a shower to get you warm and clean." "Mom, I want a hot bath!" "No. You didn't listen when Dad asked you to clean up your sand box. You will have a shower instead." "Okay." That was one of our signs of progress -- no argument, no complaining, just acceptance.
Later on, we asked Adrianna to clean up her play jewelry before her grandparents arrived for dinner. We told her that if she could finish before they came in the door, she could have ice cream after dinner. (I don't know if this is a technique Dr. Leman would use, but we were trying to see if incentive would help her complete her task more quickly.) She continued playing for another 10 minutes. It wasn't until she saw her grandparents pulling into the driveway that she even started cleaning. She frantically started asking Scott to help her. He declined; so obviously, she was not finished by the time they came in.
But herein, we saw another sign of progress. In the past, this incident would have quickly led to screaming. Instead, this time, she instantly started cleaning up, and she even finished before we sat down to dinner (so that we did not have to start without her again!).
When dinner was complete, the adults dished up some ice cream, but she only got her piece of pumpkin bread. She asked if she could have ice cream. "No," I replied. She said, "Maybe I could have some tomorrow after lunch?" I thought to myself, "Good reply!"
Our very tired Adrianna held herself together, even while letting us know, "Mom, I'm so tired." At one point, she got mad at me for cleaning chocolate off her face, and screamed about it. I asked her to apologize before we could read together. And she actually did! No fight, no missing out on her story (as we did a few days ago).
This just might be progress!
Another issue we're working on is a timely fashion for Adrianna to complete her tasks. When Adrianna has just a few toys out in her room, it seems reasonable to assume she could clean them up in five minutes. She "cleans up" for half an hour. Her version of cleaning includes playing along the way. I do not think this is deserving of punishment, because she is, indeed, doing what I asked of her. To speed up the process, I have tried setting timers, having her beat Grandma's arrival, etc. And they do not seem to help her move any more quickly. Any ideas for improving this process are welcome!
Scott and I took a few minutes to discuss Adrianna's progress tonight. And our conclusion is that she has made progress! There have been some bumps along the way, but also some promising incidents.
Thursday night, Adrianna was exhausted, and because she had a fever Friday morning, we realize now that she probably felt crummy Thursday night. Her last half-hour before bed, she lost four privileges for not putting on her pajamas when we asked, screaming at us, etc.
Friday continued fairly smoothly. After I gave her ibuprofen for her fever in the morning, she was so peppy, I barely kept up with her!
Today, Saturday, Adrianna ran errands with Scott in the morning. Because of that and her recent bug, by late afternoon, she was fairly wiped out. Adrianna helped Scott with a few chores in the backyard and then played in her sandbox for a few minutes. Then Scott asked her to clean up. When I came out a few minutes later, she was still playing, with no cleaning. In this situation, I don't know what Dr. Leman would recommend... I don't know if he would have waited for her to clean up, even though it was very cold out. I decided that I would clean up without saying a word, and would allow her to lose a privilege inside.
When we went in, I said, "Adrianna, it's time for a shower to get you warm and clean." "Mom, I want a hot bath!" "No. You didn't listen when Dad asked you to clean up your sand box. You will have a shower instead." "Okay." That was one of our signs of progress -- no argument, no complaining, just acceptance.
Later on, we asked Adrianna to clean up her play jewelry before her grandparents arrived for dinner. We told her that if she could finish before they came in the door, she could have ice cream after dinner. (I don't know if this is a technique Dr. Leman would use, but we were trying to see if incentive would help her complete her task more quickly.) She continued playing for another 10 minutes. It wasn't until she saw her grandparents pulling into the driveway that she even started cleaning. She frantically started asking Scott to help her. He declined; so obviously, she was not finished by the time they came in.
But herein, we saw another sign of progress. In the past, this incident would have quickly led to screaming. Instead, this time, she instantly started cleaning up, and she even finished before we sat down to dinner (so that we did not have to start without her again!).
When dinner was complete, the adults dished up some ice cream, but she only got her piece of pumpkin bread. She asked if she could have ice cream. "No," I replied. She said, "Maybe I could have some tomorrow after lunch?" I thought to myself, "Good reply!"
Our very tired Adrianna held herself together, even while letting us know, "Mom, I'm so tired." At one point, she got mad at me for cleaning chocolate off her face, and screamed about it. I asked her to apologize before we could read together. And she actually did! No fight, no missing out on her story (as we did a few days ago).
This just might be progress!
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(Adam and I used one of the techniques today at the par, when the boys did not stop playing and going home the first time we asked they lost their movie this afternoon. SO next time we will see if they decide to come :))