Hope lost, but not hopeless

This week, Scott and I have faced the realization that we do not have a date to hope for anymore.  With Ethiopia's policy changes, our timeframe is likely delayed.  Not having May to count on as our light at the end of a very long tunnel has been disheartening, to say the least. 

My longing for our little boy permeates every thought every day.  It makes concentrating on anything else difficult.  I thought I was alone in feeling this way, but when I explained it to Scott yesterday, he said he has been feeling the same.  What comfort there is in feeling understood.

When I went to prayer this morning, I poured out my longing once again to God.  I heard Adrianna waking up, and knew my time was growing short.  But I knew an urgency to read and pray to God with the Psalms.  My bookmark was at Psalm 10, and by the end, I was balling...
"The Lord is King forever and ever;
The nations have perished out of His hand.
Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble;
You will prepare their heart;
You will cause Your ear to hear,
To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
That the man of the earth may oppress no more."

I had felt so alone.  He has given me so many of His promises over the last months, and those I know.  I knew I should be clinging to what He has already done. 

But He gave me more.

I cried and cried because I felt so undeserving that He would show me again that He has not let go of our temporarily fatherless child.  How could I ever doubt?!

He spoke straight to me through His Word.  Again.  What kindness.  This Sovereign God is working in such mighty ways right here and in Ethiopia.

I cannot go into the details yet, but we got some encouraging information from our agency today about what Ethiopia is doing.  God is at work.  Praise be to God.

Comments

J.E.Oppenheim said…
Oh, my dear Marianne, my heart is aching for your pain as you wait. I've been praying for you again today with a heavy heart, thinking so often of you. All day long, my heart comes back to you, in love already with your little son. Know that my prayers are with you, dear girl, and across the miles, we can be united before the Throne on behalf of this little one. May God work a miracle to tell him someday!
March 19, 2010 at 7:41 PM
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